So.
My pastor's sermons frequently mention the wicked prospering while the righteous suffer. This has caused me some anxiety because I don't think I'm suffering. Things are actually going quite well for me. Whenever he talks about the how the righteous often suffer and are left in the desert, I worry that I'm not really chosen. My "hell" lasted a year.
So, last night he was mentioned this again. I begin to have a mini-wrestling match with God and ask the following questions:
(1) Oh. my. If I ever do go through anything . . . the bigger they are the harder they fall . . . this is going to hurt. Since church life is what is what it is, it won't be just me suffering. Am I really going to have to drag these lovely people along with me??
(2) What on earth could I ever go through?? If anything it would be a financial trial of some sorts. My car breaks down. Something along those lines.
(3) I don't want to tempt or provoke God. Maybe I should just stop asking these questions. I have learned the truth of "Be careful what you pray for. . . "
(4) God, really, seriously, what on earth could my desert be?!?
Then it hit me.
It was staring me in the face.
It's something I come across everyday.
I see it driving home from work.
I see it if I walk downtown.
My family is a prime example.
Singleness. Singleness is my desert. The wicked have relationships/companionships/marriages left and right. I get nothing.
That made me feel better in a really wierd way. I was like "Oh. Good! Wow! I thought I was coming up empty in that area! Praise God!"
It seems to be a pattern with people in my circle that as soon as they get married, feces hit the circular ventilation. Someone loses a job or something like that. Things that would make my stomach go into knots if they happened to me as a single person. As a married person I'd go bald from the stress.
Just after M&A bought a house and had their first baby (within a month), M lost his job. R&P . . . they had tax season (P's an accountant). C&E, M&N . . . honeymoon babies :) .
D&D . . . they couldn't have a baby for over a year. J&A . . . they were sick (cold/flu) for the first 3 months of marriage.
However, for some odd reason that I fail to fully comprehend, it's all worth it. None of them would trade their trials for anything.
The same with me. I'm learning a lot. I'm growing. I'd really like to be out of the desert, but I'm here for a reason.
Enthusiasm for weddings is getting a little tough to muster up, but I always come around in the end.
One day, my prince will come.
I've heard the phrase, "be careful what you pray for" before. I'm not really comfortable with it anymore.
Because God's goodness isn't dependent on the perfection of our prayers. He's a good Father who will give good gifts to His children. And even if we don't have the wisdom to ask for what is the absolute best for us, He knows what we need.
Also (and I'm thinking out loud from a previous conversation I had with someone), I think that it's not suffering that we should be longing for, but to be like Christ. Oftentimes that becoming like Christ involves suffering at some level or another--whether in singleness or marriage--but Christ is the goal not suffering.
"but Christ is the goal not suffering"
Too true, Jo. Too true.
Being a Calvinist complicates things, I think. I often get caught up in wanting to *know* I am chosen. I have difficulty just resting in the promises of Christ.
Thanks for the reminder! :)