Stop building and they will come

March 19, 2008 3:20 PM | | Comments (3)

So goes the popular Christian dating advice.
Just stop wanting it. As well intentioned as it is, I don't buy it.
I am at the point now where I no longer care, in a good way, what happens in my personal life. I know what boundaries I should have and what sort of company I shouldn't keep. I also am resigned.
Marriage is something that is good, but it's meant for everyone else (as experience would teach me). Honestly, I'm not bitter. Other people have their blessings and I have mine.
I stopped wanting marriage about a month ago and yet, *gasp*, I'm still not dating. So, it's not a fool proof formula.
If you stop building, they don't necessarily come. If you seek to build, some times you have an empty house.
Whatever. I've pretty much had it with Christian dating advice.
Quč será, será.

3 Comments

By Johanna Marie on March 22, 2008 12:56 AM

I don't know if it will make you feel any better knowing that you're not alone in this, but we're in the same club. Sure, Jon and I dated for almost a year, first love, etc., but we pretty much met and that was it. I was his girlfriend before we ever even went out and did anything that could be considered a date. You know what that means? I graduated high school and college without being asked on a date (not counting blindingly drunk strangers at 1:55am). I've never been asked to dance, out for dinner, to a movie, bowling or rollerskating, etc. by a guy.

You were lucky in that you had some great guy friends who helped you figure you out even though there was a disappointing lack of romance.

My point? I've not given up hope. I know that I am a very tough fit and, much to my surprise, I genuinely would rather be single at 40 than be with the wrong man. That seems to be far healthier than just giving up on wanting or trying to pretend I don't want someone. Does that make sense?

By Carrie (the original) on March 22, 2008 7:36 AM

That makes sense. I'm almost actually there. I am at the point where I can finally see why women choose a career over being in a relationship. I spent so much time fighting against this that I failed to see such a path as being a good thing. For me, I think it could turn out to be very good. A year ago, I don't think I could have said that without crying. Now, I see what God has done to bring me to this point. It's been a lot. He has done it, therefore it is good.
We will see what He does next.

By sarah j. on March 24, 2008 3:53 PM

yeah. I find it tough to not just kill all longing and desire, thus becoming Woman of Stone, and to give myself fully to my life in the present without holding back (career I love, coworkers I care about, etc.) I got into a conversation a week ago with a group of people about how Mother Theresa is very erotic (?!?!) because she brings all of herself to her life. And because I always want to just shut down, or settle, or resign myself to something that's less than what it could be (whether it's my job or my relationship with my housemate) the question for me tends to be "How do I stay alive and connected in life, bravely risk the pain of disappointment and involvement with people and my job, AND not give up deeply held desires...all at the same time...because Jesus has called my heart good and is big enough to handle my warring desires?" The answer: I don't know, Carrie.

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