Being good

It seems that the Lord is going to afford me a lot of time to reflect, meditate, pray, read, and such during this Lent season.
There was a blog post I made awhile ago about being afraid of hospitals. I don't know if I posted a link or anything, but what had prompted me was that a boy died from cancer and had been treated in the hospital my brother and I were born in. He had a blog. Since his death, his mother has been keeping up his blog and has turned it into tool to help her in this stage of life without her son's presence.
Now, by all accounts it seems, he was a good kid. He did something extra-ordinary with his battle with cancer: he sought to inspire others.
This blog has caught my interest and I have read every single update these last 6 months or so. I think at one point I read a bunch of old entries. I don't quite understand why I feel a need to read this blog. The family are nominal Jews, I think. So, there isn't any inspirational about their theology or insights as to how God works. Maybe it's the mother's raw honesty about what's going on and how she is feeling about her son's passing.
I think there is part of me that believes that I'm at risk of loosing authenticity. Or maybe I am realizing I've never really been authentic. I don't know, but this blog gives me insight into how other people deal with grief.
-------------------------------------------------------
I feel stuck. I don't know if it's due to my own stubbornness and fear or if the Lord is just not allowing me to move forward. It might be a little bit of both.
-------------------------------------------------------
My brother doesn't care about life. My step-dad wants to have his problems solved. My mom enjoys being sensational. I can't fix any of it. I am wondering how other people deal with personality conflicts with their parents. I can't be the only one. I just can't be.
It seems that it comes across as if I don't love my mom by how I talk to her. When people make that observation it really pains me because if I didn't love her, I would ignore her. Ignoring her is how I would remain sane. When you only hear one side of the conversation, it's easy to misinterpret I guess.
I wonder about the relationship I will have with my daughter. My relationship with my mother is mirroring that of her and my grandma. I concluded the other day that maybe the way is answering my prayer is for to me never have a husband, children, or daughter. I can deal with that. This pattern doesn't need to be repeated by another generation.